A – Z of Jose Mourinho

Date: 7th September 2013 at 12:50 am
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jmouThe Special One, a legend in football and simply someone who lights up the Premier League. Mourinho may not have been appreciated in Spain, but we love him in England, and all it takes is one look at our A – Z of Jose Mourinho to see why.

A is for Anders FriskThe referee at the centre of the scandal against Barcelona all the way back in 2005 ended up retiring due to the abuse he got from Chelsea fans after Jose Mourinho accused Frisk of talking to Frank Rijkaard in the tunnel and cheating when sending off Didier Drogba. Just the start in a rather long line of Jose v UEFA clashes.

B is for BarcelonaWhat else? Jose may be the most unpopular man in Cataluña but he dislikes the Cules just as strongly, make no mistake. (See G for more information on this point). Mourinho has clashed with Barcelona more times than John Terry has had extra marital affairs and that is not set to end anytime soon. Mourinho is willing to list his issues with Barcelona and UEFA (see point U for further clarification) and has admitted his teams train with ten men to prepare for a clash against Barcelona.

C is for ChelseaJose is in his second spell in charge at the Bridge and is loving it – for now. After departing last time under ‘mutual consent’ the old favourite pc way to say ‘we can’t stand each other anymore’ Mourinho and Roman have made up and are happier than ever – until the next clash of egos!

D is for Daddy – Mourinho’s bond with his players has always been well documented, but even the most sentimental of us find the way Essien calls Jose ‘daddy’ just a little bit creepy for very obvious reasons. D could also double for Drogba, who ‘cried like a baby’ when Mourinho left Chelsea the first time and ironically enough, compared it to being like his ‘father dying.’ Slightly dramatic, but then that’s footballers for you.

E is for Eggs (and omelettes)The now infamous comparison of his transfer market prospects to class C eggs from a supermarket that did not make the grade was the beginning of the end for Jose at Chelsea. Thankfully this time around, Roman lets him go to Waitrose for as many things as he likes.

F is for Fergie –Despite their initial rocky start, with that celebration from Mourinho and a dodgy bottle of wine, Mourinho and Fergie are close friends and the now retired United manager told Mourinho he was leaving before most others.

G is for GuardiolaIt would be fair to say the pair are enemies in football, and Mourinho quipped that Pep had chosen to go and manage in Germany just to get away from him. Mourinho has baited and goaded the usually calm manager to the point of no return – even claiming he would be ashamed to win the Champions League after the ‘scandal of Stamford Bridge’. Pep of course memorably lost the plot and ranted during his press conference before the semi final Champions League Clasico, unleashing a tirade of foul mouthed abuse at Mourinho.

H is for HappyAfter leaving Madrid under somewhat of a cloud, Mourinho made it clear that he was happy to be back in the Premier League and at Chelsea, where he felt ‘happy’ and ‘loved.’ It may not have been as dramatic as the previous Special declaration, but it was headline making once again.

I is for IkerThe relationship (or lack thereof) between Mourinho and his skipper was one of the main reasons why he left Madrid (see X for more help here) and a divided dressing room is not something Jose works well with. Given the pro Iker campaign conducted by Marca, it is a wonder Mourinho lasted as long as he did. NB – Iker is still on the bench under new manager Carlo Ancelotti –  but has still not considered that if multiple people have an issue with him, he could well be the problem.

J is for Justin Bieber Jose’s car was once mistaken for the popstar’s when driving out of the Valdebebas complex when the singer was visiting and promptly accosted by teenybopper fans. Once a rather bewildered Jose rolled down the window and made it clear he was the Special One, not the Pop Star One, the crowd left rather quickly.

K is for KneesOne of Jose’s most famous celebrations, he has been brought to his knees during games a fair few times, most recently during the game against Manchester City at the Bernabeu (although as Didier Drogba duly texted to remind him, he was the first player make Jose do that.) Quite how he gets the stains out is beyond us, but the celebration alone is worth a new pair of pants.

L is for Laundry Basket –When contemplating how to get around one of the various punishments handed down by UEFA, Mourinho and his staff came up with the ingenious idea of hiding in a laundry basket and being wheeled into the dressing room at half time – much to the amusement of the media – and the anger of UEFA as Jose made a mockery of them once again.

M is for MarioJose and Mad Mario crossed paths at Inter Milan, with the Special One declaring that Mario was ‘unmanageable’ yet he claims he only has good things to say about the forward, and loves telling the story of how he explained to Mario at half time he was on a yellow and not to get another – and Mario promptly got a second a minute into the second half.

N is for Nationalities –  When former Chelsea manager Claudio Ranieri dared to suggest Mourinho would struggle outside of his own nation, Portugal, Mourinho suggested that someone should ‘explain to him that to win the European Cup, you have to beat teams from many countries. I did not win the cup beating twenty Portuguese teams.’

O is for Only One – When Jose became the first manager to win the league in three major countries – England, Italy and Spain (not to mention in Portugal) he claimed that he should no longer be called the ‘Special One,’ instead referred to as the Only One. Maybe the ‘Ego One’ could be his next idea?

P is for Parking the bus After drawing with Spurs during his first season at Stamford Bridge, Mourinho used one of his famous analogies, and compared the way the North London side set up to ‘coming and parking the bus.’ Much to the annoyance of Spurs fans, obviously.

Q is for QuietUpon seeing his team take the lead in his first final at the helm of Chelsea, Mourinho turned to Liverpool fans and made a guesture to ‘make them be quiet.’ Either that or he was referring to the media and footballing governing bodies. Whichever the case, the image is still infamous today and did Mourinho and his relationship with the red half of Merseyside no favours (see below).

R is for Rafa –Following on from the above point, Mourinho has certainly never seen eye to eye with Rafa Benitez, and goaded him about winning the Europa League with Chelsea, noting it was ‘not our trophy’ (quite rightly) and also making references to his unsuccessful time at Inter Milan (to say the least), even calling Rafa the’fat one’ and joking with Maicon about the pictures of him and Marco Materazzi Benitez tore down in the Inter dressing room on his arrival.

S is for Special OneMourinho’s first Chelsea press conference will go down in history. ‘I am not one who comes straight out of the bottle. I am a special one.’ Perhaps Jose should also call himself the psychic one after that comment.

T is for TouchlineMourinho first announced himself to the world running down the touchline at Old Trafford like a madman when his Porto side managed to knock Manchester United out of Europe in the dying minutes of the tie en route to lifting the big cup.

U is for UEFA Numerous bans, comments that cost Mourinho more money than Chelsea spent on Torres, laundry baskets, handcuff gestures… It is a wonder UEFA do not dislike Mourinho more. And whilst we’re on it, U could also double for Unicef – who Mourinho accused UEFA of using as an excuse to favour Barcelona in Europe.

V is for Voyeur In one of his memorable pressers talking about Arsenal, he claimed that manager Arsene Wenger  spent his time spying on Chelsea and was a voyeur – something that got Jose into rather a lot of trouble and damaged his relationship with Mr Wenger quite badly.

W is for War  –Mourinho is always ready to declare war on sides, and both UEFA and Barcelona have learnt this. He even goes as far as to cut his hair, once pointing out during pre season ‘look at my hair. I am ready for war.’

X is for XaviPossibly the player who dislikes Mourinho the most, Xavi cannot help but comment on Mourinho, Mourinho’s tactics, Mourinho’s teams, Mourinho’s pressers… you get the picture. The Barcelona midfielder has rather ludicrously claimed that Mourinho will not be remembered in the history of the game, because he is not an innovator. Mourinho if course thrives on this and uses the comments as a way to galvanise his side  -making it rather difficult when former skipper Casillas was calling Xavi up to apologise every five minutes.

Y is for Yorkshire TerrierIf Jose is not afraid of UEFA, the small matter of the police are hardly going to bother him – something that got Jose arrested on the eve of the FA Cup final in 2007 when they came to take his dog Leya away because she did not have the correct vaccinations. Mourinho obstructed the police and let the dog go – shouting after her to ‘run to St Tropez.’

Z is for ZlatanOne of Mourinho’s biggest fans, third person speaking Zlatan is of the impression that if Mourinho lights up a room, nemesis Guardiola pulls down the curtains. Another of the players who claims he would happily die for Mourinho, Zlatan and Mourinho probably bond over a pint and discussion of just who is worse, Xavi, Messi or Pep himself.

Do you love Mourinho? Comment below or tweet us @LaFootyettes.

One thought on “A – Z of Jose Mourinho

  • the ref
    11 years ago

    Jose would be proud of you….. has he paid you yet or is the cheque in the post?

    A witty and informative article . Pep will love it when he reads it


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