…specifically Diafra Sakho

Imagine you have a player fly to England for a physical and a meeting about joining your team, but the meeting goes so badly that the player leaves the ground in tears because it turns out your club don’t want to sign him on a permanent transfer.

Then the club that owns the player threatens to report you to UEFA if you don’t sign him, and you’ve somehow mucked up your transfer policy so badly that you will certainly be in trouble, so you have to sign the player.

Ladies and gentlemen, above is the story of how West Ham United signed Diafra Sakho.

That’s the Diafra Sakho who has scored six goals in six games for West Ham United. It’s incredible how close we were to not signing him, but thank goodness we got him. The man’s been a revelation for the Hammers.

He’s constantly pushing forward and looking to score. It’s been ages since we’ve had a player who is – dare I say it – reliable when it comes to scoring. Sakho, we’ve been waiting for you our entire lives. Thank god you’re here.