One thing we seem to love more than an actual football game is a good old football cliché and the World Cup has given us more time than usual to reel them off.
Be it comments about tactics, goals or defending, we have heard, and let’s be honest, said them all.
We are only a few days in, but here are the best clichés that have been used so far.
Pepe is a red card waiting to happen – Yes, even Pepe’s mother must have come out with that one after the defender’s red card against Germany. Pepe is a walking disaster sometimes and when you consider that he is paired with another fan of the cards, Sergio Ramos at club level, the clichés come thick and fast for those two. Expect to hear them a fair bit before the tournament is out.
Poor Ronaldo. Well, at least he isn’t Bale – Yes, the Portugal forward carries the team all on his own. He got them there after all and deprived us of Zlatan, and it seems it will all be for nothing. For such an all-time great to never have a chance of the World Cup, it is a shame. Mind you, as the masses enjoy telling anyone who will listen, it could be worse, he could be Bale.
What’s wrong with Messi? Oh wait… Messi never does well in World Cups. That Argentina shirt is a curse for him. Oh wait, that was a pretty good goal. Messi is a God. I knew he would come through. Yep –that would be most people and indeed the twitter feed during Argentina’s win over Bosnia. Where you also probably read that the ‘score line does not reflect the toughness of the game.’ Magic Messi meanwhile now has a whopping two goals in three World Cups.
That goal line technology is all down to Frank Lampard – Ah yes, ‘that’ goal against Germany. I defy people not to have mentioned that thus far – although given FIFA are hell bent on showing that each and every goal has in fact crossed the line, no wonder. This will probably have been most utilised during the France game, with a dubious goal only declared over the line after the second replay and twitter, not to mention the players going into meltdown.
I could do a better job than Adrian Chiles – Not that anyone would be wrong to say that. Phil Neville has also come in for some stick and most people seem to be recommending him as the new form of sleeping pills. That or a replacement for counting sheep.
Really, if Rooney can’t be played as a striker, don’t play him at all – Someone who really thinks that they know their tactics. Expect a proud look on their face after said remark. Rooney did not have the game of his life out wide and really, as pundits and fans alike will tell you, should be played either alongside Sturridge or just in behind him.
Why did Ashley Cole not get picked? Baines just doesn’t have the experience – He may not be a popular man, but there is no doubting that football fans know what Cole can do. After all they have seen him do it time and time again. Expect them to keep repeating this point should Baines struggle throughout the tournament. The real hard core clichés will claim that Baines has no protection in front of him and may even add the fact that Cole is far more positionally aware.
Neymar really turns it on for Brazil – Yep true story. He really is. The Barcelona player has not really lived up to expectations since making the move to the Camp Nou, but expect to hear –or indeed utter – the words ‘in a Brazil shirt, on home soil, the real Neymar turns up.’
This young England side really play with passion – They play with passion but they also lose with passion. People will also try and work in the comment ‘it has been a long time since I have seen an English side who care more about the badge on the front than the name on the back.’ They may also add something about the ‘old guard’ failing to live up to their potential.
After Barcelona’s season and Spain’s defeat, I wonder if Tiki Taka is dead – A seasoned pro will get in the tiki taka reference and try to add something about Andres Iniesta and Xavi as well. If you are really lucky, you might even hear them say something about Costa not working, Torres being rubbish and the former favourite solution of Del Bosque, the ‘false nine’ coming back into play.
This is definitely better than South Africa in 2010 – Hands up if you have said that at least once so far. With an average of three goals a game – 12 out of the 14 games have provided this, there have been very few bore draws. Yes, Iran v Nigeria we are looking at you. Shame on you for letting the side down!
What other footballing clichés have you hear or indeed come out with so far during the tournament? Let us know your thoughts below or tweet us @LaFootyettes.